getinthefuckingjaeger:

nostopdasgay:

catslock:

condelimoncio:

 MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE

THAT’S CHEATING

This is a blatant violation of trust

YOU LYING FUCKS I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE ADMIRING THE BRICK LAYERS THAT ALWAYS LAY THE BRICKS NEAT AND PERFECTLY LINED UP HOLY SHIT I LOOK UP TO YOU HOW COULD YOU

getinthefuckingjaeger:

nostopdasgay:

catslock:

condelimoncio:

 MY WHOLE LIFE IS A LIE

THAT’S CHEATING

This is a blatant violation of trust

YOU LYING FUCKS I SPENT MY WHOLE LIFE ADMIRING THE BRICK LAYERS THAT ALWAYS LAY THE BRICKS NEAT AND PERFECTLY LINED UP HOLY SHIT I LOOK UP TO YOU HOW COULD YOU

you fall asleep with his fingertips burning through your skin and you can still feel his teeth pressed against yours long after he’s dropped you off at home and his voice lights up in your head and pushes away everything that could possibly be bad. He’s everything now. And god everything tastes so good. But six months later you come home shaking, followed by a trail of blood and teardrops, and your happiness is leaking out of you into a puddle on the floor and you’re down on your knees trying to shove it all back into your chest while you scream “OH GOD MOM HE KISSED HER OH GOD”

my sixth grade english teacher told me not to make anyone my world and I thought she was crazy till last night  (via extrasad)

HOLY FUCK

(via arabellashigh)

Why do you want to be a comedian?
Anonymous

bewbin:

the free stool with a glass of water on it 

kurgs:

skeletongrazed:

skeletongrazed:

what’s the difference between a dirty bus stop and a lobster with breast implants ?

one’s a crusty bus station and one’s a busty crustacean

#i’ve told this joke a million times and it NEVER fails

teletubbles:

I AM A STRONG INDEPENDANT WOMAN WHO DON’T NEED NO MAN-

but maybe a cute boy would be nice idk